SO IT'S GOODBYE FROM HIM.....

14.05.07, 7:51am

Minutes of the Gravel End allotment committee. Present Eddy(Hon Sec). Mr Gryppe, Bristles and Elton.

Well, Tony has finally announced the big day of departure. Now because we pride ourselves on being a non political allotment, the first order of business was our invitation to Number Ten. Mr Gryppe said he'd read that Tone would be moving into the lecture circuit, and we had better get in early. The good news is that we are able to go as high as one hundred pounds as a fee for addressing our little grouping. We know he's a country lad, and he may well find our call irresistible. Bristles says he has to go up to London early next week, due to that unpleasantness with his former wife, and he'd be pleased to drop the invitation off.
The Hon Sec announced he was planting marrows this week, and probably by the light of the full moon, after reading a very instructive article on Halloween. Bristles said he was about to plant French beans, after being inspired by that Sarkosky bloke winning the French election. They were Napoleon's favourite vegetable, although they gave him wind and may well have played a part at Waterloo. Apparently the new president is going off to meditate in a monastery before taking power. Elton suggested writing to Gordon Brown, and offering him the use of Shed 12, by the gate, which has been vacant for some time, to contemplate on things, and strip himself down for leadership. No limos or big banquets, just a view of the Bending Maid pub across the way. He'd be a new man.
Tricky Tess's cat, Arnold, has been peeing on the spring cabbages again, and there is a suggestion that we could purchase a new gadget on the market that emits an ultra sonic scream. Apparently the cat's fur stands on end and it leaps about before disappearing down the road. Agreed to spend up to 10 pounds on purchase.
Mr Gryppe said the Express had carried a recent article, about holding onto the pound - and other Anglo Saxon measurements. Never was a good idea to ask for 2.1112 litres of beer, instead of a pint. Or to run the "four minute" 1609.3 metres, in lieu of a mile.
The meeting concluded at 8.44p.m. and we all adjourned to the Silly Soldier, except Elton, who waved some sort of chart, and said he had to go home and make a baby.
Signed Hon Sec. Eddy. A true reflection of the minutes.

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