According to researchers at Durham University, high caffeine consumption "could be linked to a greater tendency to hallucinate".

Well I must have been drinking gallons of the stuff of late.

Every time I watch the news I see a big Scottish oaf gulping like a goldfish and telling me that he is the saviour of the world.

This tartan tax collector then keeps wittering on about how the recession is a "global" problem - "look into my eyes", he says, pointing his jewelled fingers at me, "global, global, global".

Then, he declares, "It's nothing to do with me" before wandering off to pick the pockets of the people around him.

It's all too much. I'm going to have to start drinking more beer. It's the only answer.